It was not the money, but it was other thing...

They was one time, that I tell my friend, what is the thing I want when I am rich or when I get the first salary from my job. I told him that I want a big TV or a full set of home theater so that I can enjoy watching my favorite movies. But now, I realize that, it is not the money that I need to enjoy watching movies, and also it is not the big screen that I need to fully experience the story, actually it was the time that I needed to spend to watch those movies.

It happens just a moment ago, which I watch one of the movie of my favorite for the second time. After I finished that movies, I felt really satisfied. And I tell to myself, this is the real thing that I want. It doesn't matter how big is my TV, how good the sound is, but it is more to the feeling itself. I suspected that, I never get this feeling maybe because I don't really have much time to spend for myself, until I clear up my mind and let it settle down. I do have free time obviously, but those time wasn't really free. Although it seems like my time is free, but my mind never be free. It keep processing like a "Busy State". It can't be control though.

Then it comes to new subject, controlling my mind. I had learnt from the ideology of "The Secret " that tells me, to control our mind is actually by controlling our feeling. It can be explain as below;

A good (positive) mind comes from a good/positive feeling.

Example of good feeling : Happy, grateful, feeling enough, satisfy, feel healthiness

Oppositely, a bad (negative) mind comes from a bad/negative feeling.

Example of bad feeling : Sad, angry, dissatisfy, jealous, bad temper, never feeling enough, etc..

So, I do believe in this ideology which I practice it. Even sometime I create it or acting like it, even I'm not. (Maybe some of my friends recognize it, huhu..) But that is not all. I also try to control my thinking for other reasons. In put it in my academics, relationships, family and most of it for my faith to Allah.

Lately, I also like to control my mind before i'm going to sleep. Ya, you know, some of the studies showed us that, before we are going to sleep, our mind will become like "uncontrol" state of mind, or people might say, "Minda separa sedar" (xingat ape nama dia dlm english, huhu ). People also had said that, it is a good time for someone to memorize something in this state of mind. So, since few months ago, I started this habit. I must listen to any music to control my mind before I going to sleep. For me, music has huge impact on me. It is not just for fun, but for me, music also store my memories in it. You might ask me what is my memories in the Linkin Park songs or Muse songs. Especially, the song of "Undisclosed Desire" by Muse in their latest album. I think some of my friends know it. Hehe ;)

Maybe in the next post, I will tell my opinion about the impact of music in my life. But for the moment, let me conclude this. In conclusion, it was not the limited time I had for not updating my blog, it was more about the feeling and the state of mind that don't motivate me to write anything in my post. So, I like to end this with a line of lyrics from Coldplay that I always play that remind me something.

When you try your best but you don't succeed, When you get what you want but not what you need....

My next theory of love equation

Assalamualaikum. Adakah ini post selepas keseratus hari? Xkisah la. Aku sepatutnye kene study utk TOEFL aku, tapi ape yg aku buat kat sini? Xkisah laa.. So kepada sape2 yg baru nak start baca post kali ini, diberi peringatan kerana saya sendiri xtahu berapa panjang akan saya tulis. Dan saya tulis ini semata2 utk saya sahaja. Tiada kaitan antara org lain.

So, I just discover the love equation in me. Perkataan love ini tidak terhad antara lelaki dan perempuan, ia meliputi segala rasa kasih dan sayang, tidak kira kepada sesama manusia, binatang, mahupun Tuhan ku Yg Maha Esa, Allah. Baru ku sedar bahawa, rupa2nya perasaan ini timbul ketika aku dalam mode relax, tenang, tanpa sebarang stress..

Ianya mula dirasakan baru2 ini, ketika saya pulang ke kampung semula setelah balik UTP awal hampir sebulan. Apabila berada dirumah, perasaan yg sgt tenang tanpa sebarang stress timbul. Aku bangun pagi, tenang.. Makan, kemudian exercise skit, pastu dgr music, pastu kalo rasa nk tgk TV atau muvi, pegi je depan TV.. Ketika ini lah, timbullah segala rasa cinta dan kasih ku. Mula2, tetiba aku terasa sayang sgt kat kucing. (Actually, aku mmg suka kucing dari dulu.) Then adik aku terjumpe seekor kucing jalanan. Aku dgn xpikir panjang, terus jaga dia, bg dia mkn, mandikan dia, dan aku belai dia giler2, terasa cam aku belai perempuan. Huhu..

Pastu tgh dgr lagu, berangan skit, tetiba terfikir plak pasal awek. Huhu.. Sudah jelas objektif aku dgn pasangan perempuan, adalah semata2 untuk menjadikan ia sebagai isteri aku. Oleh itu, kalo nk dipikirkan jadik isteri, aku rasa lama lagi untuk aku kahwin. Ade kebarangkalian yg aku akan kahwin lambat lagi. Jadi, kalo aku cari awek skrg, agak pnjg tempohnya untuk aku kekalkan hubungan tersebut sehingga la tiba masa kahwin. So, persoalannya skrg, rasionalkah untuk aku cari siap2 skrg ni? Ok, let say aku dah jumpa, perlukah aku gi bgtau kat dia skrg? Kesian plak dia nak tunggu lama nnt.. Aku aware yg diri aku ni masih belum cukup matang untuk buat decision yg betul. Aku nak ambik pengajaran daripada kawan2 aku yg dh kahwin awal, tapi gagal. Kesian kat diorg. Jadi sekarang ni aku masih belajar dan mencari pengalaman untuk mematangkan diri aku sebelum tiba waktu yg sesuai. (Muka pun cam budak baru abes SPM, ade hati nk pikir pasal kahwin. Huhu...) Kalo aku kahwin skrg mesti org gelak nye. Haha. Dan mungkin juga, perempuan yg suka kat aku tu nmpk aku cam budak comel, bukan seperti seorg suami. Hoho....

So, for conclusion, patut la aku xde awek kat UTP, sbb kat UTP -->

(Stress) = (No Love feeling) = (No awek la..)                                [1]

(Awek) = (Isteri) = (Komitmen) = (4-5 Tahun) + lama gak tu..     [2]

Tapi kalo nak ade awek -->

(Nak awek) = (kene ade love feeling) = (kene No Stress),              [3]

(Muka cam budak sek lg) + (xcukup matang) = (Budget dapat je...) x (perasan lebih)     [4]

Bler no stress -->

(No Stress) = (No tension nak study) = (Study kurang) = (Pointer kurang) = (Emotion jadi down)    [5]

With assumption,

Cinta kpd Allah = no regard to stress/relax = everytime until last of my life       [constant]

So, korg bleh paham x equation aku ni? Kene guna numerical method nak solve equation ni sbb dia ade 5 degree of freedom(DOF) dan beberapa variable ni. Aku rasa aku kene cari beberapa constant lagi untuk jadikkn DOF=0. Huhu, gler nerd aku~~ Kalo susah sgt, terpaksa la buat simulation. Haha.. Simulation model ape ek nk guna? Aku rasa model yg terbaik adalah Nabi Muhammad SAW la kn? Tu pun mahu tanya ka? huhu~~

All in all, still no solution yet. This simulation might take several year of iteration to achieve convergence, or to get a good result. But for the moment, aku akan timba pengalaman dari kawan2, org2 tua, mahupun sumber2 bacaan ilmiah. Dan aku sgt berharap agar Allah membawa aku ke jalan yg benar, lurus dan diRedhaiNya, iaitu jalan org2 dahulu yg Allah beri nikmat, dan bukan lah jalan2 org yg Allah murkai, dan bukan lah jua jalan2 org2 yg sesat.. InsyaAllah... AMINN..